Monday, 6 June 2016

Hidden in the dark

My mind is a blank canvas. What am I doing out here? I should be inside cuddled up on the couch, not out here in the dark!

I was feeling like a slob, as my slippery Mac ‘n’ cheese flops around. It just will not stay still! 
“Izzi?!” My ears prick up.
“Can you take the bins out?” 
A light, calm voice shouts back “Uhh... sure.” I squeak. You gotta be kidding me!

I slip into the living room and out the door into pitch black darkness. I can't see a thing. I clench the decaying bins. If I do it fast, it will go more quickly. I roll the bins down the driveway. I hear a booming rustle from the bush, and I stop. What was that? I turn around, a shiver rolls down my spine. Who's there? My mind flickers with thoughts. The rustle gets louder and louder as it comes closer and closer. I clench my fists, close my eyes and hold my breath.  My life ends now.
I open my eyes, and a sigh of relief bursts out of me. It’s just a black cat. Wait, my neighbors don’t have cats, and neither do I. I quickly turn and open the gate. I hear noises like footsteps and I flinch. What was that? I chuck the bins on the side of the road and start to sprint back inside. Someone is chasing me, I can hear them their calls, their footsteps, all of my childhood nightmares are after me! 

I scatter inside, where I am safe and sound with my mum and dad cuddled up on the couch.


In this piece of writing I was learning to show a scared  emotion and appeal to my senses, I was focusing on the present tense and chunking my paragraphs. In my first sentences I tried to hook my reader in (making them want to read more). The most hardest part of the writing would have to be when I was writing the hook because I didn't know how to create the feeling. I went well because I showed emotion for example “ I clench my fists, close my eyes and hold my breath. My life ends now.” My next step is to appeal to my senses and have a better hook, I will get a better hook by using my bright sparks and extending my idea.

1 comment:

  1. It was really good izzi. I liked the part when you said my ears pricked up. It was a great story. I could imagine taking the bins out at night�� It would have been scary. Overall it was an awesome story and it was full of really good description. Good job��⛹️‍♀️⛹��‍♀️������